Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Depression and Christmas- oxymoron..yeah tell me about it!

The other day when I went to see Debbie, Hudson and his little brother Jon (who is a little porker and I wanted to, but refrained from, squeezing his cheeks the entire time) we talked about the way I had been feeling.  We laughed because I told her I had posted a picture of me and Sam on my blog and had started writing a “wish you a Merry Christmas” message. But when I went back and reread what I wrote, it was terrible. I mean I was an emotional mess!! I made myself feel bad for me. So I ended up erasing EVERYTHING but the line I actually posted. I told her I couldn’t let anyone reading my blog read that. She (in her cheerful Debbie way) told me that I should write about it anyway. I think she’s right. It should be talked about, especially going into a new year and new blog posts and all that other wonderful jazz.


Image via anopensketchbook on Etsy

The thing I’m learning through my experience with Depression is it lives inside of me even though I really don’t want it to.  The mainreason I got on my depression medication in the first place was because I was going through a divorce about 7 years ago (ooohhh blog controversy). Yes, there was a time in my life that Rita wasn’t happy and in fact, could barely get out of bed in the morning.  So medication helped with that. What I didn’t see coming, was that it helped in more aspects than just the being sad part. It helped me with work and just day to day things that usually drove me nuts and I felt I couldn’t handle.

In fact now looking back, I remember telling my friend Cindy (who was the one who held my hand DAILY and told me I needed drugs- ha!), that I needed to quit my job because for some reason or another, around 2pm every single day,  I was so over whelmed that I wanted and needed to jump out of my own skin. I seriously couldn’t handle anything! I thought for some odd reason that quitting my job would help and NO, I never quit. Thank God for Cindy! I used to tell her she always had harsh words of wisdom.  She told me what I needed to do and  I did it. Thank goodness she didn’t tell me to jump off of a bridge or I probably would have. Regardless though, I remember the similar feeling I had long before my marital separation,  where I just couldn’t deal. I wasn’t sad or emotional , I just wasn’t right. After seeing my doctor because I was crying ALL THE TIME, she put me on Zoloft and thus began my journey to being sane. I can’t tell you how it helped me. I think I told my doctor at the time that I felt like for the first time in my life, my feet were actually touching the ground. I don’t know what I meant by that exactly but I guess I was so all over the place I just couldn’t ever stop and be in the moment without fretting about what would happen next.

Now fast forward to the next few years in my life, Sammy and I worked things out, my meds changed again, dosages increased and things were great…yeah not so much.  There are serious side effects and one I struggled with or should I say, Sammy told me about and I didn’t even see, was “feeling”. I began to become so numb to everything. As in, I didn’t cry or feel bad for anyone or anything, my body included YUCK, TMI but it’s true. So that lead to switching meds AGAIN a few months ago, and at one point, I don’t think I had much of anything in my system. NOT GOOD!  Commence mood swings, emotional rollercoasters, anxiety, …then to top it all off, I had an allergic reaction so I had to stop all together. Yeah this crap was too much for me to handle and all around Christmas Time!!So needless to say, though this Christmas was really good , it wasn’t really good for me. I smiled, I laughed and all the while I never felt like myself. I felt like there was a little jumping bean inside of me, jumping around and triggering different things at different times, more than anything, it was frustrating.  So I went to my doctor first thing and I’ve switched my meds yet again. As I talked to her about my options and giving up on drugs all together, I cried. I cried like there was no hope for me. She was actually very understanding and we talked about a lot of things in general not just the typical doctor checklist which I love about her. I really wanted to stop the pill popping for good and she reassured me that this chemical imbalance was a part of my life and I just have to keep it in check. I actually did get to see what it felt like to feel bad again and it’s pretty pitiful. It’s not the SAD person laying in a corner,  kind of sad like you see on stupid infomercials. It’s more like I’ll be fine and happy go lucky but the minute things don’t go like they’re supposed to, or anything out of the “norm” happens, I felt like I just couldn’t get a handle on the situation. That whole scenario is called ‘life’ people and I needed to get a grip on reality.  I think the confusing part of it all is that I’m not sad, I have great things in my life and so much to be happy about but I just couldn’t get there emotionally.

I do want to tell  you that I’m still working out this medicine deal but I FINALLY feel like I’m getting on track. I feel hopeful and the spark in me is coming back…woot woot!! No tingly tongue..did I mention my tongue tingled..yeah, weird! No empty shell of myself!  My path is being paved and I’m following along and it actually looks good! So yay for me!

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Image via anopensketchbook on Etsy

I’m glad I get the chance to share this part of my life and what I live with because I’m human and sometimes even the happiest of sunshiny people feel like big time crap!! For today, I’ll continue to make my own sunshine even if I have to dig real deep to find it. But anyway, as always…thanks for listening.

Rita

Sunday, December 29, 2013

Hudson’s Table and Other Tid Bits

 

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Hudson finally got his table this past weekend and though he doesn’t look extremely happy at that particular moment(because we woke him up from his nap),he did love the table and I was happy! I can’t tell you how precious this boy is, even his little growl to put his grandma and grandpa in their place, was so stinking adorable!

His cousins, Lucy and Jude (pause) I HAVE TO POINT OUT  how flipping adorable this little girl is!! Oh my gosh she steals my heart every time I see her pictures. She’s a little toot! So cousin approved…CHECK!!

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I was happy to see that these three kiddos appreciated what I had made, even if it was for an afternoon. They didn’t even care that it was a little smeared from where I tried to seal it ($%@#@!!) . I told my friend Debbie (Hudson’s Mom), it won’t last and if you end up tossing it after a couple of weeks, that’s totally fine. Just to know that he loved if for a minute is enough for me. I love the fact that this child may one day look back and say “remember that table I got…” I have no idea that, that will ever happen, but the possibility of leaving my mark on his memory is such a great feeling to have!!

I have a favorite quote that I LOVE and even have hanging at my cubicle at work. It just speaks to me and so I’ll share it with you:

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I just appreciate this quote so much and I know Debbie will always remember this (not so perfect) gesture. She’s so great, what can I say. 

Which leads to my next tid bit and somewhat of a rant, but not so much…just read haha

Ok, do you ever go into someone’s home and see how their family interacts with each other and you think, “they just get it’. Well that’s what I love about Debbie’s family. They all live like ALL OVER THE WORLD, I’m talking Guam, Washington, Alabama, New York, and they all come home to Fort Worth, Texas, not just for holidays, but to actually see each other for long periods of time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family but the closeness I witness with this family is amazing.  I’ve met some phenomenal women from the Hodges Family and their stories are just so awe inspiring I can’t begin to tell you.  On this last trip to see Debbie when she was home for the holiday’s, I learned of a tragedy in her family’s life and when I read all about it on her sister’s blog, I was definitely moved to tears. The thing that most stood out to me though, was to see how their love for God kept them sane for lack of a better term and gave them the ability to live their fullest life even after such a horrible accident.  I am truly touched by these wonderful ladies. It’s amazing and kind of exhausting at the same time. I say exhausting because me, living my life as I do today, I barely feel like I have time for myself and on top of that I suffer from depression which is still very present today. But to see how effortless their love and camaraderie is for one another makes me look at my life a lot differently. They actually do what the bible says and put God first and everything else second and it shows in their relationship with each other. Being surrounded by them was comfortable, easy, and grounding. I don’t think you can help but to have a different perspective when you leave their home. I loved it!

I just had to share because I was so over come by emotion this past weekend. Of course it could also be the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on the last couple months (thanks new medication!). But I truly believe we all have a “Hodges” family that we can learn from. You guys inspired me and touched me, so thank you for that!

And heck…look at those kids..A-freakin-dorable!!! I told her I’d be happy just being Lucy’s friend, haha!

I apologize for what turned out to be my rant but as a girl, I think I’m entitled and for what it’s worth, I hope you have or find a Hodges family to inspire you!

Love to you all,
Rita

Friday, December 27, 2013

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

I hope you had a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and from the bottom of my heart, may it be an even BETTER NEW YEAR!

Happy Holidays!

Love, Rita

Monday, December 09, 2013

House Renovation Mini Update

My goal was to have my house redone by Christmas and here we are a few weeks away so I thought I’d share my update.

I started with this:

House Renovation, part 1 :Living Room

This section will include:

· Painting
· Sand/ restain floor
· Bookshelves
· Area rug
· Rearrange furniture
· Possible new furniture (this is undecided)
· NEW ENTRY WAY!! See previous post

The other areas that we wanted to get done by Christmas were to recarpet the girls rooms and if possible get to my room.We’re still on target with carpeting the kids rooms however my room, unfortunately, will remain ugly until we fix the shower which leaks onto the floor in my room. Don’t worry, I won’t scare you with a picture of it. Nor the ugly concrete that I have to walk on daily.

On the plus side we have made slight progress. I won’t have pictures until everything is done but I’ll let you know where we’re at with each:

1. Painting (check) – we’ve painted both the living room and Brianna’s room. Painting is complete.
2. Sand/restain floor-  NOT DONE- we decided to hold off until next year because we ran out of time and can’t find the color we wanted, so rather than cramming it in just to get a color we don’t want, we figure the new area rug will cover all the ‘not so great’ looking patches of floor. Staining is on hold.
3. Bookshelves – We have gone back and forth with building built-ins, buying them pre-done, you name it. Think we finally decided on an Ikea Hack wall. Basically you buy Ikea shelves, add molding and voilĂ , they look like a built in. I’m hoping this will get done in the next week or so!  Bookshelf is undecided at this point (broken heart). I say this because my anal retentive husband isn’t quite sure if he wants the holes on the Ikea shelves to show.  (ARE YOU KIDDING ME, WHO CARES…GIVE ME MY BOOKSHELF!)
4. Area Rug(check)- This is purchased and on it’s way!! woo hoo- thank you Black Friday!!
5. Rearrange Furniture- Will be done as soon as we get all components of this room. And this WILL BE DONE by Christmas!
6. New Furniture – (check) We bought a new sofa (again, on Black Friday). We just need to pick it up. New Furniture is complete! Oh and I bought some pillow covers from Etsy for the yucky pillows that come with said sofa.
7. New Entry way-(check) I got my new buffet, just needs painting, have two new lamps on the way and a mirror that I need to paint and hang. Can’t wait for this to be complete and get pictures! yay!!

Also, one thing that wasn’t on my list is our fireplace. We have one in our home but it has never been used. I have a chimney sweep coming out this week to clean it out so we can use it on Christmas. Crossing fingers!

So that’s my update! I’ll keep you posted!
Rita

P.S.
I’m looking for someone to donate a stove to my daughters Sorority which currently catches fire,  so if anyone has any ideas on how I can go about doing that, I’d appreciate it!!

Hudson’s Race Track Table

Ya’ll I’m not done with this yet, but for the sake of linking up to the DARE to DIY link up party, I had to get this in today! eek!

This week’s challenge is a hand made gift and mine is for a super precious boy named Hudson whom just became a big brother this year! I’ll be meeting the new addition this month (so excited). 

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I had this in mind for him for a couple of months now and I’m hoping he LOVES it. I will say the hardest part of this whole project was the tools I had to paint with. They just really suck… I’m not going to lie! I need like “real” paint brushes. I literally used one small brush that belongs to Brianna for all the detail work. When I got super frustrated with it, I busted out a sharpie for some of the finer lines. You can totally tell on the numbers. I’ll have to go over those when my blood pressure drops.

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Just incase you don’t recognize this small table, this is what it looked like before (and before that):

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I can’t wait to have him open this up! If he points out my flaws I’ll probably die, but I’m sure he won’t mind.

Don’t forget to go by the link up party for some great gift ideas!
Rita

Linking up with: Decor and the Dog, Maybe Matilda, Newlywoodwards and Primitive and Proper!’’

and Kammy’s Korner

Sunday, December 01, 2013

5 Minute Christmas Place Cards

 

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I’m back to the DARE to DIY challenge with place cards I created this weekend. I do have a confession to make first. It really took a little more than 5 minutes so I may have fibbed there, but that was only because Chrysanthemum (our crazy cat) kept running away with my red craft cord!

The theme of this weeks challenge is “Entertain”.  You all know I’m a “use what I have” kind of gal so the only thing purchased for this setting was the red cord which was half off at Hobby Lobby!(score!). So not only did it take a few minutes to make I paid $1.50. That my friends…is what the HECK I’m talking about!

After contemplating what I should make, I headed over to Hobby Lobby for inspiration and crafts to begin said project. Well nothing hit like I wanted it to, so I began to think about what I had at home that I could use.  That’s when I saw some ceramic spools they had on display and remembered the hundred I had at home that are sitting in my craft box.

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All I did was simply tied a piece of cording around my spool and hot glued the dowel rod into the center of the spool. Then I cut out the stocking with left over glitter foam board I had and added a piece of white material to the top of the stocking. If I had a pen that writes on material without bleeding, I would have totally used that for adding the name to the top but since I didn’t, I used my glitter paint instead.

Again, this was Extremely Easy…like a 1 on the easy scale. Seriously, the hardest part was fighting the cat. And in case you’re wondering why the first photo is behind a white backdrop, that’s because I could NOT get a photo of it without the cat sneaking in and ruining my shot! This was the best one:

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I thought she finally wore herself out…but as soon as I moved the spool, there she went! sheesh!

Hope you like, and remember to visit the hosting site MAYBE MATILDA for more Christmas inspiration!


Thanks for stopping by,
Rita