Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Only Me…

So I know lot’s of you have used this phrase before. Well I use it all the time and I’m glad to see fellow bloggers posting their stories so we don’t feel alone.

Here’s my story…

So for Father’s Day I bought Sammy a riding lawn mower. The trouble is our yard is a pain in the ass to mow. Our lawn person bailed on us and I think our neighbor turned us in for our lawn being higher than the height it is supposed to be. I’m also not one of those women you see outside doing yard work (believe me unless I’m painting, you can’t pay me to be outside) anyway, this was HARD!

Oh and Sammy gets home late everyday so there the lawn rarely gets done.

I decided last week I was going to cut it and knowing a “future” riding mower was on its way, this would put that much more emphasis on the AWESOME gift he was getting.  That being said, I talked to Sammy that day and he said he’d be leaving work soon so I went and put on my cute little cut off shorts, my tank top and grabbed the mower. I basically wanted him to see his hot wife outside pushing this stupid lawn mower and feel really bad. I’m calculating woman, I know this.

Well, things did not happen as I planned.  I started mowing and that thing was heavy. I called to make sure he was coming soon and he said “in  20 minutes”. This is already later than I expected so I went ahed and told him I was mowing. He told me to stop and he’d finish when he got there and for me just to edge.

This is fine and dandy except the battery died on the edger and I only got the left side of the lawn done (we have a circle drive). So I looked at the lawn and it looked worse than when I started. Kind of like a kids butchered hair cut.

I knew I couldn’t leave the yard looking that way so I kept cutting until Sammy got home. Well, it got dark fast but I got the majority of the lawn done. By this time, it’s already an hour past when Sam and I first talked, Now, I’m hot and sweaty and achy from this piece of crap mower. That’s when it happens….I ran into the water faucet pipe that is sticking out of the ground and water is now shooting up past my head. I’m 5’1” incase you were wondering.

Yep, I didn’t see it through our wild grass and I now have a water fountain in my front yard. So of course, what do I do in my panic, I throw my body over the water and am now soaked with dirty water. I scream for Ashley to call her dad to ask how to turn the water off, while I’m trying to cover the water that’s gushing in my face. I have mud in my mouth, makeup streaming down my face. I’m soaked when Sammy pulls up and  shines his lights on me. This was NOT how it was supposed to go.

I also did try to turn off the water but couldn’t. So instead, I got the spout thingy and rammed it back in the pipe as best as I could and that helped some. Needless to say this was a DISASTER. So he comes up to me and asked what happened and I of course start asking him why the heck he took so long. If he had been there ON TIME this wouldn’t  have happened. As I was talking to him, I was spitting dirt and mud particles from my mouth. UGH!

Well, his Lawn mower came in yesterday and he loves it!! And he also showed me on the old lawn mower where the gears are to make it actually move on its own. Apparently it is self propelled and I was doing it wrong the whole freakin’ time!!

So to all of those “It could only happen to me” friends out there, it doesn’t only happen to you!




momtofatdogs said...

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But you painted a very accurate picture & I (sadly) admit that I got a good chuckle for reading your post!!! HA HA HA...I know exactly how you feel. We lived in AL for 10 yrs & we had 1.5 acres.(on a lake - you could WATCH the grass grow - literally) Even WITH a RIDING mower it took 2 of us over 3 hours to mow. But Prince Charming works long hours - so it fell to me. I pretty much SUCK at maintaining a yard. I b!tched & complained & moaned about how LONG it takes to mow! We bought a huge, I mean HUGE zero turn mower at a car auction. Best spent $5G ever! (that's half what it would have cost new & it only had 120 hours on it!) Needless to say, I don't have to mow much anymore. YAY! It's been 6 years now & guess what? I don't miss it! Dang I hate it that we bought that mower. (total lie!)


Megan said...

ha ha ha ha!!! Priceless. Just ANOTHER reason for me to NEVER mow the lawn :)

Deanna said...

Ahhh- manipulation gone wrong. I can relate. Learned it from my mother at a tender age but sometimes it backfires on me. Big hug, sister girl!
I tend to leave the vaccuum or mop bucket out so hubby sees it and comments on how well the floor looks. If he does not, I ask him to put it away or dump the water and FORCE him to comment on my hard work. Yeah, manipulation. Whatever.